start at the beginning

It's been a whopper of a weekend - J got hurt & has been down for the count (and will remain so for the next day at least), I've been helping him out and doing double-time - two astro readings this weekend and the rest of the content for the new site. I'll send word when it's all live & purty.

It's been foggy each morning & if we weren't running to the ER or trying to get somewhere in a hurry, it would've been a fine time for a camera.

Last Thursday the Sculpture Alumni Invitational opened at Cornish, my alma mater. Other J had a piece in the show, which was smashing (The show & her piece), along with H & other alumni who rocked. I got to reconnect with several professors, which was really lovely. It's so hard to believe it's been over ten years since I graduated.

Eero's show opened last week. There is just something so rewarding about alumni who are still doing good work & getting shows off the ground. Simply lovely to see.

I've been so swamped with wacky work hijinks and the new site that my artwork doesn't stand a chance. I miss it so, but am resolved to do one thing at a time. I am so excited to get projects underway and see them manifest. I'm confident that my art will fall into that category when the time is right.

I am wiped out & hate waking up after staying up so late the night before. This has been happening increasingly lately & I really need to put a stop to it. While I'm up, I could stay up forever. But it's really not worth it in the end.

So, I'll leave it there. J's been reading Hotel New Hampshire & if he were up, I know he'd read out loud to me. As it is, I'll finish folding the last of the laundry, hit the lights & hit the hay.

Hope you all have a great week!

On domesticity...

It's late & I'm finishing up ironing. That's right, ironing. J made food for the week while I took care of the laundry, after he worked on the yard; the spinach, potatoes, asparagus, artichokes & various herbs from last season. He's got loads to plant & I'm ready to help, now that things are beginning to roll.

I'm heading in early tomorrow, my electronic building key is ready & so I have access to everything I need to get the job done. Last week was a primer, now I'm in for a proper work week. I'm looking forward to it - have asked J to consider a trip to the peninsula to clear our heads as soon as we clear out of work this Friday.

The last few days have been busy, though J tried as much as he could to stay home. Saturday was all about cats & birthdays - the Average Joe Cat Show happened & Paloma enjoyed it, mostly - & Michael had a beautiful birthday, croquette & bbq and friends, friends, friends. Sunday was all about May Day. A close friend recently got engaged & hanging out with her & our crew was like drinking champagne; dizzying and joyous.

This last week was terrific. The highlight, beyond work, was going to Mt. Vernon to see a show by a good friend's mom. She is a terrific artist & it was great to see her work again. Another friend, Eero, had an opening this Friday & even though I wasn't there, it was so good to find out how it went & see the photos.

Here are a few pictures:


garden work May Day


Happy B-day Michael


3 weeks old

Back to work

Had a great day today & a great week overall. Next week I begin a full time job after quite a while focusing on health & working part time. I've tried to get the house together so it's easy to maintain & spent time in the studio and had the last few Jr. Mom moments.

I'm excited to get back into a groove. I have been daydreaming about what working can bring to the table in terms of resources. This year, especially, I've noticed opportunities I've had to pass up - just came across a photo workshop in Oaxaca with Mary-Ellen Mark this summer, as a for instance. It's been at least a year since we've travelled apart from much needed visits home. I miss working trips. I'm daydreaming now & that'll do. At least I can still track friends' trips in the meantime.

Can't tell what the weather will be like this weekend, but I do know that gardening is on the list of todo's. I will do a reading or two & again, weather permitting, we'll have a beach fire. Good weekend, everyone!

Sunny, instead!

Moll and I had a fabulous time at the sculpture garden afterall!

Here's the Neucom Vivarium, by Mark Dion - it's a "nurse log", a fallen tree that acts as an incubator of sorts for a variety of plant life. I've not yet been inside, but took this pic today:


Loved catching up with Moll, we spent the hours chatting happily. When I got home, J had just arrived from a long bike ride that ended on the Burke-Gilman trail. He was wiped out, but has been keeping himself busy listening to music tonight. I've been idling on the computer too. I'm hoping to shift gears in April, but don't regret the time I've spent tonight. Got to catch up with Eero, her orchid blossoms are not to be trifled with & I forwarded along her artist recommendation to a pal in Chicago. I was also able to confirm that the bakery Nerd's Eye View was referring to is indeed the one with the tasty baguette I enjoyed over at the Gulassa's a few months ago. So, time well spent afterall...

tales from beyond my means

J & I made some heavy decisions this week. There is a lot of happy goodness that can come from them, but first tough decisions & their inevitable repercussions. I'm basically a happy, grateful person, but in the last few years - it's been easy to be sad, to feel that soft out of focus sorrow that comes with life during troubles.

I called my sister today, to put in a word for getting help before I go in for surgery. I don't have a date picked out, am working on that with a good friend and astrologer. For many people, getting an event date confirmed by an astrologer isn't on the list of to do's, but it's important to me, so here I am.

I'm still painting, in fact, that's a big part of why I want my sister to come help me get things in order. I've got an image of Frida Khalo in her canopied bed, painting away at an easel her family put together for her. If there is some way to duplicate that, I'm interested in making that happen for me.

I spoke with a friend today about how this period of time keeps reminding me of how sad I was when I was 15 years old. I had broken up with my first long-term boyfriend and was a complete mess around it. I had no idea how pleasant and kind relationships could be and it was obvious in how unnecessarily nasty our breakup was. Oddly, he had brought up on more than one occasion that my behavior was similar to stuff he had read about in Eric Berne's book on transactional analysis, Games People Play. I was way defensive about it at 15, but have been been reaching for a more rational, forgiving way to be in relationship since then.

Anyway, at 15 I spent most of my time alone and shut down. Since I'm feeling mighty overwhelmed these days, it gives me pause - I wonder what could've lifted my spirits then, or what could've kept me engaged. I am a very different person now & try hard to deliver on what I say - take my responsibilities seriously, etc. I cannot think of a better group of people than what I have around me now. These things help, but I'm getting to the place where time is the arbiter. I can't make time go faster & can't blank out the time I'm living through now.

This weekend, J & I went to take photos in Edmonds, a coastal town between Seattle & Everett. Moments like that help, knowing we're on the same team helps. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm going to keep trying to do things that stimulate my creativity... things that I get inspiration from. Apart from that, I'll allow myself to follow the waves of emotion, hopefully without unnecessarily stirring up emotions that just want to come along for the ride. There's plenty to handle without that.

Heading out to paint

It's late & J is in the kitchen messing with carrots, sweet potatoes and listening to Platinum Pied Pipers, while mocking me for asking. Jema is tucked in a cat bed by the heater after I moved her away from the kitchen.

Last night, I started a few pieces. All on paper, so the going is slow. I've got more supplies than I know where to put them & had started out moving things from this place to that, until I ran into a couple of outsized boxed that I couldn't have moved if I wanted to.

Today there was a lunar eclipse - astrologically a sign of disruption and time distortion. Today has been fairly uneventful, as is typical for me in days before I plan a big surgery. I'm hoping that by occupying myself with creativity, I'll sidestep the worry and unhelpful anticipation of times to come.

Arty art art

Had a great conversation with my husband's brother & sister in-law (there's got to be a better way to signify relations) last night. She's fresh from a trip to Peru & so my vicarious lust for travel was fulfilled by her stories & recollections. During the call, I was able to tell him how much I enjoyed his story of his recent attendance at a Charlotte Bobcats game. Jeez, he can write! We caught up about all the goings on in the family. Good times.

This last few weeks have been inspiring, though at times tough. I got to visit with Eero and relive some of our college years, not to mention getting glimpses of the work we do now. Last weekend, I was invited to Yvonne's wedding shower tea, which was lovely & warm. Various projects have been revisited & rekindled, which is a good thing. J & I have taken turns cooking like fiends to keep our house stocked with good eats during the week. Working together with him on the weekends has been a real highlight. I feel like I have a chance to acclimate and hope to use this time to generate some new work, even in seed form.

I'm very hungry to do more work. During the phone call last night, I went through the sort of elaborate process I enjoyed while most artistically productive. There was a point where I began working in sketchbooks, translated those to wood blocks, photos, photocopies, prints and paintings. I'm still stalling over even one piece of that -- I'm beginning to think the content of the work may start out more personal and/or ragged than what I've been working on for the last few years. The other pieces I want to get back to are big & that's just not happening now.

Over time, I've become less candid. Some folks, who hear me talk about things that confuse me may not feel that way, but in comparison to where I started from it is true. If I have to do unskilled and emotionally ragged stuff, it's not likely that I'll share it. Not so much from a place of insecurity, way moreso for the purposes of honoring my own ongoing, developing privacy.

Really seems like it's time to get a move on.

Workout = feeling better

Ahem, things feel better. Just got back from the gym with J, just 40 minutes of creepy sweating and straining muscles and the world just seems like a better place. hmph.

My studio is clean, eBay is happening, and - if I'm not mistaken - I'll be able to paint tonight (Huzzah!). I've posted heaps of photos from Sunday's wanderings through the abandoned buildings of Snohomish & today's wanderings on Capital Hill. I even updated alla Flickr stuff I can grab with details about the photos.

It's warming up here in the studio, finally & I guess I have an hour or two before I need to knock off. I'm Jr. Mom'ing tomorrow & two two year olds will not have it if I'm tired when I show up in the morning. The rest of the week will be very busy, a nice change of pace.

Grateful, again.

An evening of saints

A few threads are converging as I go through my evening: I am watching Sister Wendy & the history of painting, in which she reviews the European works from Lascaux to the renaissance.

The sister's tone is frank, she doesn't avoid any detail of the pieces and doesn't skip over anything to make the work more palatable, unusual, considering her religous devotion. There's also something to her habit/formal appearance & disposition that provides a deeper understanding of the work - as many of the pieces from the works she reviews were sponsored by the church. I really enjoy her take on art & am looking forward to seeing the other dvds that she's done.

One of the topics she covers is the renewal of passion for the Catholic church in the 13th century, an effect of St. Francis' approach to religion. She said of him that "everybody was inspired by the little poor man from Assisi, who called the sun his sister & the wolf his brother" and mentioned a paradox, the richly painted Basilica that was built to commemorate this man who rejected material things for a life of poverty.

That reminded me that my mother has had a statue of St. Francis from the time we kids left home in the 80's through the time she lived with my brother & his kids. My experience of her Catholicism is that she practiced it in a very ego-less way. I got the feeling that the desire for money, fame or prestige was less valuable than the desire to pick up a stranger stuck in the rain or giving shelter to people, even if it sets you back a bit. That separation from the drive to achieve for the goods it will get you has remained with me, sometimes causing odd tangents in my behavior, but I think it's been mostly for good.

My mother also attended a parochial school named for another saint, St. Frances Xavier - apparently, the patron saint of immigration. This brings up for me the struggle this country is having with how we will accept folks from abroad. The antipathy toward immigrants that has overwhelmed the country in the last 4 years or so worries me. I understand that I'm not privy the scope & difficulties of the immigration issues, but the richness of this country is derived from the multitudes of folks from all over. Maybe that's my DC upbringing talking - I loved it that I could have lunch in high school with my best friend from Pakistan, another from French New Guinea, another from Mexico and another who was an American Black Muslim. We all enjoyed it. I don't know a lot about Frances Xavier, but I think it's worth it to check him out now.

I have been going through our trusty file cabinet, specifically through old personal papers. As I've meandered through writings from the past, I came across a card for Martin de Porres House of Hospitality, where I volunteered while living in San Francisco in 1987. This saint was noted for his mixed race (although he is not the only saint who is not lily-white), and his compassion for people & animals. His story is here.

The story of the House of Hospitality is also very generous. From the large interior space, the small but beautiful landscaped grounds and to the mod-cons like free showers within a safe, gated area in the Mission District, San Francisco. The deal with Martin de Porres was that folks coming in for meals were fed as many servings as they could eat & left with a bag of food. There were clothes for folks who needed them. With the art covered walls and music in all of the dining areas -the environment was strikingly different from the streets outside.

I remember an example of how different it was being the resolution of a fight between guests of the soup kitchen. They were fighting over a loaf of bread. Two women from the kitchen (I was one) went over to them to ask them to stop fighting. We brought more bread and reminded them that they didn't have long to enjoy the peace and quiet, soon they'd be back tussling on the streets. We urged them not to waste this time & reminded them that they'd get the boot for disturbing other folks ... although I didn't expect it, our tactics worked and they went back to hanging out after their lunch. The idea that we could actually create and enforce a safe space for a group stuck with me.

I'm always up for saint stories - or I guess stories of any kind - so I couldn't resist tossing these thoughts out there, loose as they may seem and as inconclusive as my observations appear to be.

Bossy

Pics from weekend plant work follow:





Daisies that are alabaster white on the interior petals and smoky lavender on the outside, primroses that look like roses with flecks of gold on the petal edges, violas that are pale & sweet, trailing plants with delicate, tiny blossoms and ornamental sweet potatoes with dark purple leaves - beautiful colors in the containers in the front & back of the house. Lovely to hear the rain this morning & awaken to see plants energized and bright with water droplets on the leaves and blossoms.

I also weeded the container with the pretty pink and salmon cone flowers, which are growing back nicely from last year. This house has cone flowers growing around the patio & geraniums growing back already - primroses aplenty & flowers practically everywhere ya look.

On to bossy: I'm still backtracking - the picture cds are done, but not in the mail. The studio feels like a space built for me, but is far from functional. I'm going through my things to see what I need vs. what I bought impulsively & is now just taking up space. I've spent a week watching what I'm doing & as opposed to the last several months, I've stuck to the goals I've set - achieved a good portion of them.

My thinking these days is less tied up in the brutal-ish mania of overproductivity I still read about & admire on the web. I've dropped coffee, caffeine rather, and have done the same with cigarrettes and overall feel more solidly grounded in just what my body can provide on it's own.

Since I'm gearing up for hard work I can't quantify on the outset (readings, studio work on a production scale & studying) I'm nervous that the habits I built in the last 5 years will resurface as I engage. That's where bossy comes in. I'm acclimated to pushing myself & need to see what that looks like without crutches. At any rate, it looks like I'm back in business.

coming along...

I can hardly make my way through all of the cd's I've got loaded with images. I owe heaps of these images loaded onto cd's to folks who I care deeply for, and so am merrily (if a bit overwhelmedly) going through the lot. The first couple of cd's are burned, now I can go through the rest. Flickr album to follow.

Also, Virgo full moon + eclipse, if you've had a rocky day, that is one of the indicators. Not to mention that six months from now, you may see the manifestation of what you felt today.

Watching eat, drink, man, woman, must go.

Almost decent

Whew, time sure does fly. It feels like yesterday I was contemplating leaving life in the corporate world & striving to do right before I departed. Now, it's almost 6 months later & things are revving up for our trip to Turkey.

The show was lovely, plenty of folks came by, including some peeps & my initially critical views of my own work were softened by repeat views. I'm not there yet, but if I work at it, I think I can do justice to art.

J & I went running this morning. A temperature inversion has created the typically enigmatic fog that is so attractive & J made sure to take me to a footpath through the tall cedars & other pines that dot our neighborhood. The water in the muddy grass gave a slight edge to the ethereal surroundings.

I'm wrapping up a job with a cancer ward at a local research facility. It's been very humbling to be present while others receive experimental treatment that surely causes them suffering. I try to stay modest as I move through the waiting room & to smile as I see everyone - knowing that feeling unwell, as they most likely do, would lead some of the patients to be impatient with my joy & gratitude. I imagine myself in their position & feel myself steeling my body, as though to ward off an impact. None of us know when we'll be struck down & I hope I can be graceful, but will settle for honest.

The job is to write code for excel. Fun stuff. I've learned lots to flesh out my already substantial knowledge & a new appreciation for the various layers of coding folk who automate what would inevitably be dulling routines for busy people.

I'll be glad to be done, though. I'm ready to get back to the work of unpacking. I was able to sort out the remainders of the upstairs that J hadn't gotten to this weekend. It feels more peaceful upstairs & with the reduction in space, we don't have the spartan digs that we did for years and years at the rental place.

Our home is still so enchanting. We have gone outside at night to shoot photos many times, in fact J has some awesome shots from Sunday night. The greenhouse sits vacant tho - all I can come up with in the time I have to do research on the web, describes our greenhouse as a coldframe system that is best used in the fall or spring. I'll wait until I get a clearer picture of what needs to happen to make it useable & what plants will benefit before I set up shop there.

I'll sign off now, have to get back to work. With a bit of rest, I now feel almost decent...

The show opens Saturday

I'm putting the final touches on the work that's showing at Dandelion this weekend. Just got this poem in the mail - thought it touched nicely on desire and creation:

The rock splits open like wings beat
air, wanting. Campfire gives in to rain,
but I can't go to sleep, or be patient.

Part of me wants to eat the stones
and hold you back when you're leaving,
'till your good laughing turns bitter and wrong.

I worry I won't have someone to talk to, and breathe with.
Don't you understand I'm some kind of food for you?
I'm a place where you can work.

The bottle is corked and sitting on the table.
Someone comes in and sees me without you
and puts his hand on my head like I'm a child.

This is so difficult.

-- Poetic version by Coleman Barks
"Open Secret"
Threshold Books, 1984

cleaning up

Today we went over the list of things that the landlord should know about the old place. It's been cleaned, mostly. We didn't get to the fireplace & the basement floor could use waxing, but it's way empty, swept & we're out of there:



It's Halloween at the new place. Intermittant knocks or doorbell ringing have happened all night. I'm taking a break at the computer before launching into an all out attack on the new garage. I've got to finish the work for the show that is less than two weeks away. I feel really good about it, but cannot get to the paint, canvas or anything else.

Which is why it's such a relief to be through cleaning at the old place. I didn't go in today, just visited with the landlord. But I cannot tell you what a drain it has been to have something to go for back there for, night after night. It seemed as if it would never end. And the new place has been needing attention.

I unpacked the kitchen today. It's been mostly habitable - first room really. But I was able to completely unpack it today. There was a pot full of coffee there tonight, along with some dinner. Feels homey. I look forward to getting the rest of the house set up.

Work is still happening. I'm building code for scheduling and it's going well. Very laborious proceedings. Lot's of habits to be shifted around (how is it that people can thrive on such variety - for example: people can write 7:30a, 730, 7:30 am or 7:30 - no big deal, but can excel tell the difference?) and code to test. I've got about a week left. Then another project will begin.

Things are so busy now I can hardly register the quantity. I sleep and get an isolated image or two, when before I would dream whole stories. I go to work & come home and work and either go back again or work more at home. There are good bits & lots of them and I'm grateful, but mostly it's a blur. Perhaps it will be this way until the Turkey trip...

Don't forget to check out the pics on flickr: http://flickr.com/photos/47503589@N00/58350473/

"You just don't know how to have fun..."

Tonight, J & I went out to see a musician in the trendiest section of town. Fortunately for us, it was not the trendiest venue -- we didn't have to fight off dissasociated hordes, nor did we have to play it cool. We went to a local importer's shop & saw a sufi performer (I hear) that played and played for us tonight. The best was that I so needed to dance.

Even though it's technically one day after a 3-month sabbatical, I'm raring to start my new work. That work is not what I have done for the last three months & also deviates from the norm in significant ways, meaning I don't have a boss telling me what to do.

Now is probably the time to say that my last boss was terrific, he trusted me to do the right thing and pushed me over my own limitations more times than I can count. I can't thank him enough & I can't help but notice an eerie resemblance to my current sitch. Being that I can't count on someone coming out of the woodwork & saying "Hey, here's an opportunity. Why don't you go and get that one??".

So, thing is, I've been raring to go and my first art show is in November -- my first job interview (part-time, presumably non-profit) is a week from Tuesday -- so tension has been building up. It very much got released tonight, when hand touched drum and foot touched ground. I could've turned all night to the funky beat that was being laid down & I wouldn't have been alone.

We were invited by pals in J's band. They suggested that we join the musician that made such an impact on Mike during the Bumbershoot festival. By the way, I have a theory that "Mike" is the most common sufi name. I am so confident of this trivial fact that I've recommended, more than once, that J take "Mike" as his official, sufi name.

We arrived, after a dinner of homemade albondigas. Immediately, it's obvious to me that we can turn at this event & so, there's no hesitation. J is more circumspect & takes up an instrument instead -- eventually helping out E (5 yr old) with his drawings of eyes. I'm ready to stop, but this musician is not & encourages me along with the other sufi folks in the crowd. We turn together & apart -- and for a long time (2 hrs?) before the music has exhausted itself & it's time to go.

We finish up the night at Sophia's. We've brought treats, but Sophia is the bomb & makes pasta with marinated tomatoes. E doesn't like those (5 yr old, remember?) and so chit chats instead, about his nascent desire to become a ninja, favorite movies (Porco Rosso, Return of the cat & what sounded like "Pompoko") and where he lived when he was three. Good times all around, and J & I go home. He's snoozing now, but I'm up, having misjudged my energy levels & taken a nap earlier.

The punchline? I said to J that I hadn't expected the evening to be so boring. MB suggested that I just don't know how to have fun...

This weekend looks chock full & I'm cool with that. Friends, house-hunting and more await us & so I leave you all...

Good weekend -- take care

Fall-ish

I saw a rattlesnake, last week, in Ashland, Oregon. I took a road trip, spent a lot of time being quiet and painted. Fun stuff.

Usually through this time of year, I'm enjoying the increasing warmth that is the norm in Seattle. A high school football team hollers out practice across the way from us - which appears to be a herald of this seasons unusually cool temperatures.

J and I are heading out to see the Brothers Grimm tonight. I'm looking forward to seeing what Terry Gilliam has done with this tale. Also, it's a story about story tellers, who wants to miss out on that?

Painting badly

I painted today. Two pieces. I have so many more to go. The first piece I tackled was a piece from last year that I'd like to finish, the latter was a sketch painting for a piece that is part of a themed set.

First the bad erupts and lots of it. Then, with application (I remind myself), the good will start to emerge. I have to do heaps to make it move forward. No matter what.

Bashville, USA

Tonight's adventure: I went to the Henry Art Gallery's Bashville bash. I missed the auction preview, but got to catch up with old friends, Art teachers & took a very few pics of the cowboy themed party. DJ Riz spun the sweet tunes & I got a few good pics of him, but haven't purchased the recommended flash & so the rest of the pics are fairly random. I am very grateful that Jen gave me the ticket, what a swell gal!

I've loaded the rest of the Emerald Downs race track photos here.



I went to an herbalist this week, next week is the physical therapist & the nutritionist. I'm still working on my physical health & got a lot of good information from the herbalist. A few more walks around greenlake per week, maybe some yoga & weight training should do the trick.

The painting I'm working on has moved forward significantly. I'm ready to wrap it up, but not in a hurry. I plan on painting tomorrow & hope to move on to a new piece in this next week. It was great to reconnect with folks who can speak to what they see in my work. Tonight's event was really good.

J is in Bend this weekend, camping with friends. I've rented movies to watch while I work. I enjoyed Hayao Miyazaki's Porco Rosso & Castle in the Sky. I'm watching Arsenic & Old Lace just now. I am fond of classics, remembering going with Mom to the AFI theater to watch her favorites when I was young.

Study Time

Good progress on my painting, although I'm still stalling for no good reason. The cactus is coming along nicely.

I've posted some photos from the races here, although you'll have to scroll through 23 photos to get to the new pics. My bad, really. But editing isn't coming along, not at all.



Studying was the name of the game today. I checked in with a friend who came to visit, on notes from last week's class in the Mesnevi & then checked election credits at Kepler. Finally, I went on with the painting - then dinner & now I'm heading out to meet with pals to chat & talk about stuff we can do together, studywise.

Today has been very good, like walking across a tightrope over a street about 30 stories down -- if you're good at that sort of thing. It felt important to gather myself, to be focused & intentional. Like I'm operating on a different kind of fuel. I talked with J about this & he agreed that things feel like this.

So, a glass of wine sloshing in the belly, I'm on my way out the door. My schedule for today worked. In the words of the Mayor of Deadville, "huzzah!" and in the words of Martin Luther King, "It is something that runs the whole gamut of life, so before we condemn (those who want to be first), let us say we all have the "drum major instinct", the desire to be important, to leave a mark & not judge them".

toodles.

Fussy

I painted today. Not a lot, but it felt very good. Now, to keep that up through the rest of the week is the goal. Felt fairly luxurious to focus on details. The piece I'm working isn't new, but is very detailed. It's even on canvas, about 2'x3'.

This last week was a doozy. Got to reconnect with folks who I very much loved seeing, got to visit Vancouver, BC for an extraordinary class on Rumi's Mathnawi, got to go to the racetrack. I cleaned the house like a fiend over the weekend, except for my art space.

Instead of cleaning my art space, I had a fit all over Jason. I'm chagrined - but have to note that the fits I have these days are so short-lived, so mild compared to anything I was able to rouse out of myself in days gone by, that I am very, very pleased. The content of the fit? Well, I was going nuts because I wanted everything perfect before I started painting. I'll let y'all figure out how possible that is...

Today's tasks included getting a hat to keep my face out of the sun & then checking out my office & studio. It's amazing how quickly things come together when they are in the way of being creative. I can't wait to FINISH one piece, then another, then another... it will mean the world to me.

It's been lovely here in Seattle. Right around 80 degrees Fahrenheit & breezy. Yesterday, the 3-day Breast Cancer walk (60 miles from Issaquah to downtown Seattle) walked by our house. I noticed a row of port-a-potties in the parking lot across the street on Friday night & thought about sticking around the house the next day - no telling what it meant. The worst of it was around 10am, when the neighbors in the duplexes on either side of our house had rental trucks full of furniture, the cheering squad for the walking women were joined by ambulances, buses and vans of supporters and traffic on our normally busy road was almost at a standstill, while folks tried hard not to hit each other.

More soon...

Useless with films that showcase the weaknesses of humankind, that's me. I'm watching Insomnia - post-band rehearsal. I'm well creeped out & thought about bringing to light the eerie but beautiful work of Ralph Eugene Meatyard. Like the painterly portraits of Julia Margaret Cameron, Meatyard focused on the ephemeral moments of life -- but unlike Cameron, Meatyard was focused on the plainly creepy in life.

Graciela Iturbide brings the lyrical side of ephemeral life, with the minimum of creep. Nan Goldin does the creep, minus the ephemera. Lartigue provided an entertaining view into his life in the early 1900's, minus almost entirely the creep.

Stieglitz was the master... Levitt is charming, Muybridge was a badass...

All of this is just to say I'm awed by this work. I'm awed & angling for it. I've recently re-read this work on "how to think like a genius". Beyond just being a genius, which I can't see the E ticket to, the key is productivity. Which for me is frustrating because I'm pooped. I'm keeping up with photos, but if you saw the stack of painting concepts and unfinished work in my studio...you, like many of my friends would say "put on a show". Which I'm not ready to do, even years after I thought I was.

Patience is the ticket, I'm sure. I plan on shifting the focus from work to art this summer & even tho I've stated that before, it feels more real now. Patience is the key, so I'll add to that persistence & figure out how to get those two to converge...

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Got a few pieces framed today, got herbal advice for my sister - who's in her last tri-mester of her second pregnancy, ate breakfast at my favorite restaurant & am getting ready to head down to R.E.I for a new sleeping bag.

Last night's scanning was ditched in favor of sorting through old pics with Jason. Our anniversary is tomorrow. Two years since we married on the beach at Wilmington. So far, so good.

Few more pics:
one in color -



one in b&w

Happy Saturday afternoon!

Worked like a demon this week; relentless, focused and lots to show for it. So, now I get to do what I want. I want to work on photoshop & paintings for the flick.

It's sunny and warm today, Jason is out back getting his bike ready for the summer.

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I've been messing with the pieces for the pumpking flick, will start scanning Portland pics next. Nothing's uploaded - so more to come...

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Here's one:

Finished shooting photos of works in progress today

Rabbits fighting

Did some work on the ol' show yesterday - got a few pieces up on the web. I need more light to show the pieces off. I plan on working more this weekend.


Finally, a colossal squid.

One week back at work. New responsibilities = digging in deep to keep up. I've done some work to schedule everything in and have way more work to do for life to remain meaningful.

Dan came over week before last to work with me on kid-like sketches for the Halloween flick.

Dear lord, I may have had it. This last month has been more than I could've envisaged. We're still weeks away from the complete film and days from setting up the next project. I've finished the last of three releases at work. Reconnected with old friends, mostly online. Turning proceeds apace. Still there's no ribbon to wrap this day with.

Spent some part of this evening waiting for Jason outside of his building. He's in the same building that Michael Kinsley is in and I could see Kinsley in his office clearly from where I stood. He's leaving Slate to tend to his poor health. He was packing tonight. Slowly moving from the bookshelf to box. I felt sad and eerie watching him. Jason came out so that we could walk through the cool rain and smell the sodden trees. It was a relief to have him near. We talked about a million things. I listened too, feeling nostalgic for the times we spent when we first met each other - wandering over Washington at night - both of us at loose ends and too alive to sleep.

When we returned, Jason mentioned that Kinsley had hundreds of books outside of his office, all up for grabs. He suggested that I go up but I hesitated - Kinsley was still there and it felt like an intrusion. After hemming and hawing, I went upstairs. A calm man was stacking the books in the hallway, looking at them one at a time. He said he felt like a kid in a candy store. He left with just two books after searching through the last stack Kinsley dropped off. I looked through the books and picked about a half dozen, stopping to smile at Kinsley before lugging them back to my office.

I am jammed full with feeling - stay away from me with pins... I feel impatient and fretful and tired like a small child. I want to stare, just stare - watch rain slide down windows, be silent. Or work. This work right now is great for clearing my mind, forces me to be communicate effectively. But what of work that shapes one's life? I could stand lugging those pumpkins back and forth across the field again. cold air in my lungs and tired, heaving muscles. Clean tired. Instead I'm stewing, I can feel it.

Tomorrow Dan and I will meet to finalize budget details for this next project. I'm hedging on asking for what I want. What's it worth to coordinate and to make sure things are as they should be? What's it worth to photograph a ceremony. It's looking more and more like I will be turning in the ceremony... Another quake - insides clashing against one another.

We turned two nights ago. First there was zikr. Breathing perfumed air into a cyclone - shaped into Ross and a woman whose name escapes me and then around the circle. Then up again for the careful spacing and constant maneuvering of the turn. There were around a dozen people to fit in a fairly large room. Each of us taking up scads of space. The point of dignity is finally driven home to me. That it makes sense to allow each person their space. Not that I have the lesson down, by any stretch of the imagination.

While I turn, I imagine my heart growing strong through the axis of my body. Unnerving when I misstep. I struggled a lot with balance Monday night. Thinking I had it nailed, some part of me would wander out of the centrifugal motion to break my moving meditation into separate pieces, leaving me surprised and grimly focused on returning to the turn.

The point of this work, this absurd, graceful and enigmatic work, is to toughen one's heart for life. I am an inveterate softy. Having been exposed to senseless violence and it's aftermath as a child, I swore off it and kept swearing off it until it actually meant something, all this swearing. And now that I've got that out of the way, it's time to keep going past the point of comfort. Life is so vast and I'm so curious - tough is my only hope for enduring. So I'll practice and probably will be in the Sema this year, not photographing it like I thought.

I've wanted to write about the days spent concocting the plan for the Pumpkin Piper. How little clues as to what was possible led to strategies and plans with friends. How lists were formed and torn up at the last minute and moments built into moments that required more strategy than I had planned. But that will have to wait, it's time to go home.